I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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