Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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