What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
