he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize