The maid of honor just puked.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
