The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
