remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
