Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
