this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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