he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
