We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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