Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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