someone threw a dead crab at me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
