I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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