dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
