Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
