Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize