Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
