Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
