you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
