I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
