Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
