Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
