got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize