I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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