I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
