so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Mom said you looked used
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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