i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
