Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
