Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
