you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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