I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize