The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
