I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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