I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
