Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize