dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
