he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
