When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
