We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize