I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
