When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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