everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
