i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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