Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
love makes seman taste better
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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