At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
