I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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