So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
