Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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