I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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