i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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