2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
