i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He felt like a one man threesome
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just invented taco cereal.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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