The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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