Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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