she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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