this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
