god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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