I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
