He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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