At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
