Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
