Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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