Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
