I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
