Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We talked him into tasing himself.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
