Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
